BA just spent the last 15 minutes on the phone talking to a telemarketing scammer in India. The call came in at 9:30 p.m. dialed from the number 123-456-7890. No lie. I answered and a man came on the line with a thick Indian accent and told me that our computer had a virus on it and he was here to help. Goody! I knew it was a telemarketer immediately and intended to just hang up without saying anything - my usual response. But we've received 5 or 6 of these types of calls in the last 2 months so BA decided to have a little fun.
He jumped on the line and started talking the guy's ear off - think Dustin Hoffman in Rainman. The man asked BA if he was having any problems with his computer. BA said, "Problems? Oh yeah, I've got problems. I had to wake up this morning. That's a problem right there. And I woke up this morning and I didn't know what to eat. There's another problem. I could make eggs, or cereal, or pancakes. Big problems, indeed. And if I decide to make pancakes do I use regular Bisquick or the lite Bisquick? Do I add syrup? Should I have bacon, or sausage with my Bisquick pancakes? It was a real problem, oh yes-sir-ee. And then after breakfast I went to work and my boss wouldn't leave me alone. She wanted to talk to me, and I had to type emails. And my wife, she gives me problems to solve all the time. She wants me to take out the trash, but sometimes I don't want to. That's a real problem, I'm telling you. And I have to put gas in my car and pay for electricity. That's a big problem," . . . On and on he went. BA told the guy that Amway had already called and we'd just bought a lifetime supply of paper towels but passed on the lemon scented mopping solution, but maybe he'd like to buy some, and if so, we could arrange that transaction for him.
Meanwhile I'm sitting on the floor in the other room trying not to pee from laughing so hard.
And then BA starting talking about hotdogs. He just started mentioning all the types and brands of hotdogs he could think of. He liked Ballpark hotdogs the best, and he liked hotdogs made with turkey, or beef, or pork, or even Dodger Dogs at the baseball game. He actually got the scammer to say, "I like hotdogs." To which BA replied, with glee, "Me too!!!!" When the scammer could finally get a second word in, he asked BA if he would turn on his computer. BA said, "Sure, but I don't know how to turn on my computer," and he then made the Indian dude walk him through step-by-step how to find the button to turn on the computer. They went through a couple more rounds of this, where BA would ask how to login to the computer, or how to turn on the monitor, and where was the mouse. And then finally BA just asked the guy to send over a medium pizza with pepperoni, and hung up.
Admittedly, I stole the Amway part from AA's dad, who typically asks telemarketers for their credit card number. I just couldn't resist. Next time they call, though, I'm going to tell them to "hold tight" while I boot up my machine - it's really old, so it'll take a while. Just hang on the line, and I'll be back when it's ready.
ReplyDeleteLove it! Dad pulled a similar stunt one time, too. He said, "Hold on just a minute," and then left the phone off the hook and let the telemarketer hold it until he finally hung up. On another occasion he just put the phone down and let the telemarketer keep talking away. I do like BA's approach, but I can't think that fast. BTW, we've experienced this scam, too, but I just told him that it was my husband's computer and I'd pass the info along to him. The scammer then hung up.
ReplyDeleteAwesome!!!
ReplyDeleteHa ha, I'm so glad you and the telemarketer could bond over your shared love of hot dogs :)
ReplyDeleteNOw tell me again, which one of you is going to be the lawyer, who will be required to speak at length on subjects that no one cares about and would put a Tasmanian Devil to sleep?
ReplyDelete