The Other Side

The Bar.  Is Over.

I made it to the other side.  And now I'm sitting on a beach-front balcony, listening to crickets, the waves, and a guitar player, and not studying for the first time in 3 years and 2 months.  BA and I are on a mini-vacation.  We went to Hilton Head to celebrate my freedom and the survival of his single-parenthood this summer.  We left the little Peanut at home with Nana and Papa and took our first vacation alone in over a year.  It is well deserved.  We are eating as much seafood as we can fit into our bellies, and I have spent the better part of the day just staring out at the ocean and feeling the breeze.  It's a good day. 

So how did I celebrate my completion of the bar exam?  Well to kick it off I contracted pink eye.  Yes, that's right.  I'm sure I picked it up at the bar exam.  My eye was red and a little irritated on Wednesday morning (the morning of the MBE exam) but luckily I didn't suspect anything during the actual test, but by Wednesday night it was apparent that I had pink eye.  Thursday morning I went to urgent care and started eye drops.  3 days later, both eyes were full blow infected with no improvement, so on our first real day at Hilton Head I was back at another urgent care clinic.  Now I have steriod eye drops and those babies are finally getting the job done. 

So how do I feel about the test?  Not great, but I think that's how I'm supposed to feel.  I felt good after both morning sessions, but at some point during both afternoon sessions I started to feel like I knew nothing and was getting every question wrong.  To be perfectly honest, I feel that, regardless of how I actually did, I deserve to pass.  I worked so hard this summer, I studied so much, and I think I deserve to pass.  Unfortunately, that's not how it works.  I'll find out in late October if I passed.  Until then, I'm going to relax and take it easy for a change.  And after 2 weeks of taking it easy, I'm sure I'll get bored and realize that it's time to start looking for a job.  But not yet.  Now it's time for vacation.  And then it's time to spend the days playing with Leah, cleaning up the house, catching up with friends and family, watching TV, and just being happy I survived.

BA's Corner: World's Best Baby

I'm now fully convinced that I have the world's best baby.

We had an ENT appointment scheduled for a couple of weeks from now, just in case Leah's ear infections didn't improve.  And the plan was to get an “emergency” ENT appointment if necessary last week.  Leah had been on her most recent medication for about 3.5 days.  Like the other medications, she seemed to be doing fine for a couple of days.  But on Thursday, she didn't nap well, began to tug at her ears, and we had to console her several times between 7:30 p.m. and midnight.  She tugged at her ears some more Friday morning.  So we thought something might be going on. 

It's always a judgment call as to whether we should make a doctor's appointment or not.  I'd say 80-90% of the time we've gone into the doctor, he or she confirmed that there was good reason for us to come in.  This day was no exception.

So after a month of a double ear infection, and after a failed 5th medication, we called in Friday morning to get an "emergency" ENT appointment for evaluation and next steps, which they scheduled for this coming Tuesday.  But we didn't think that was a very "emergent" appointment, and we thought we should get Leah checked out before the weekend.  So we got the first available sick appointment with Leah's pediatrician Friday morning - 10:10 a.m.  Nana and I hopped in the car for the short trip to the doctor’s office.

We brought the stroller so Leah could nap as long as possible at the office.  They tend to make you wait for a while, so we’ve learned to be prepared.  Leah fell asleep in the car, and I was able to transfer her to the stroller without her waking up too much.  So she got a 30-minute nap or so in her stroller at the doctor’s office (while I convinced the nurses not to touch her until the doctor came in).  

The doctor looked in her ears, determined they were “not much better,” and said our next step was for him to call in a favor to see if she could get tubes that afternoon.  He made several calls to review his treatments and Leah’s (lack of) progress, and discussed next steps.  Most doctors were in surgery or on vacation, but he managed to get a hold of one going through airport security at ATL.  He also got a second opinion in the office.  Everyone agreed immediate tubes was the right answer, and he got us scheduled for some time that afternoon.

At this point, Leah knows what the doctor’s office is, and she doesn’t care for it.  She whips her little head around to see each person who walks through the door and notice what they have in their hands.  So we had burned through all the toys in her diaper bag trying to keep her calm.  And while all these conversations were taking place, I was trying to convince Leah to drink her bottle, having already distracted her with goldfish and rice krispies. 

The doctor peeked in for a quick update and instructed us to stop feeding.  Oops.  If there was a possibility she’d get tubes that day, she’d have to stop drinking liquids for 6 hours, and stop eating solids for 8 hours.  Sorry Leah.  This is how she handled it....

The arrangements were made, and we headed straight to the Emergency Room.  Yikes.  Leah’s Granda (AA’s dad) was passing through town to have lunch, so we told him to have lunch with us in the ER!  AA met us there with a couple of bottles so we could give Leah some apple juice until about 1 p.m. 

Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta was wonderful.  From the minute we stepped in, we were impressed.  There was no wait, so we burned right through triage to our first room, where we traded off so that Granda could spend some time with the Peanut, who was in a smiley, playful mood as usual.

Nurses and doctors came in and out of that room, and Leah watched every one of them.  She looked at every tool and instrument that came close to her, and smiled at everyone.  She was great.  We determined that the surgery would occur no earlier than 6:45 p.m., since I had given her goldfish.  We were quite lucky actually…the Pediatric ENT performing the surgery was only scheduled until 7 p.m.  Had our original appointment been any later, we’d have been out of luck for the whole weekend.  So after some lunch and visiting, we shipped AA back home to study until at least 6 p.m.  We were moved to our second room, at which point I walked Leah up and down the halls for probably an hour trying to get her to nap in her stroller.  I got some strange looks, of course, but I’m used to it. 

Leah napped for probably 20 minutes, and I began to brace for the worst.  I knew we’d have the crankiest baby pretty soon….ear infections, strange environment, essentially one bottle all day long, and maybe a combined 60 minutes of naps all day.  She was going to be a handful until this surgery.  And I figured she’d be really cranky after the surgery too.  So Nana and I settled in for a long day.

We were moved to our third (and final) room, which had a pull-out couch and a crib bed in it.  Man-o-man did Leah have a ball in that crib bed.  We put the rails up, dropped her in, and she ran laps for hours!  She would crawl from one end to the other, stand up, point at anything, talk adamantly about it, hop down, and do it all over again.  She was so funny.  We kept steadily rotating through the limited number of toys we had, and improvised with a few others.  We built a fort with sheets, and I made balloons out of some medical gloves - she had a ball with those. 

We were told the surgery was scheduled for 8 p.m., so we grabbed a bite to eat and told AA to keep studying.  Soon after that, they called me and said “we’re ready for you.”  I knew AA wanted to be there to see Leah before the surgery, so I stalled them as much as possible.  They came in with an infant gown and told me to put Leah in it.  I lolly-gagged through that, asking the nurse some questions and playing with Leah a little bit.  Then I slowly sauntered down the hall with the nurse, making conversation and taking pictures with Leah. 


The big people in the funny costumes are using big words. 
Should I be concerned?


Nana stayed in the room to tell AA where to go when she arrived.  The doctors, PA’s, and nurses came in, and I asked each of them some questions.  The Pediatric ENT came in to review the procedure and I asked him some questions (after I thanked him profusely for squeezing us in at the end of his shift).  Just before the OR nurse came to pick up Leah, AA arrived.  So I handed Leah to her and we snapped a few pics.  Leah was curious, of course, but still smiling.  I couldn’t believe how wonderfully she had handled all of this on no sleep and an empty stomach.  She was amazing.

At 6:45 p.m., the OR nurse put Leah in a warm blanket and carried her off to surgery.  Leah didn’t cry…she just put her arm on the nurse’s shoulder and looked around. 

Do you all think you can bribe me with a measely warm blanket?

We walked back to our room.  The doctor came in about 10-15 minutes later and talked us through the follow-up procedures.  They brought Leah in a few minutes later, and she was cranky and fussy as expected.  She drank A LOT and we finally got her calmed down after about an hour.  She was ready to go, but they said it’d be another 2 hours before the paperwork was ready for her to be discharged.  Ugh!  So we all grabbed some dinner (Leah included) and then we sent AA back to study some more.  It was hard to believe that an hour and a half after her procedure, this was our girl…..

Which way to the elevator, Peanut?



Every time the nurse came in, Leah crawled to that side of the crib, stood up, and stared at her while she spoke, listening intently.  Her final discharge instructions included (1) no blowing your nose and (2) no heavy lifting.  Leah didn't think either of those would be a problem.  By 9:45 p.m., we were all wrapped up.  The last thing I asked the nurse was “Do you mind if we keep the gown?”  She let me, so we’ll see if we get a bill.  It was adorable….what a souvenir.  

Get me outta here!!

I couldn’t believe after a day like that, no food, no sleep, all that strange activity, and it being way past her 7:30 p.m. bedtime…this was how my child was behaving.  I was so proud of her.

She napped on the way home.  We gave her another bottle at midnight, along with some Tylenol.  She slept well.  Lets hope the worst of the ear infections is behind us!

BA's Corner: Enough

How much can a person take? What about 2 big people and one little person?

There are many good reasons why we haven't updated the blog in a week.  Rather than tie them all together in a nice, neat story, how about some data points that help paint the picture of our lives recently?

• We're all sick. And we got Nana sick too. You should hear us all sitting around at night coughing like a bunch of chain smokers (Leah included). We each lost our voice at different times, but have gradually gained them back. It all started with Leah, and she had the worst of it.  She had this virus (the worst I've had in years) on top of a double ear infection.  She had a fever and spent 3 days panting...she was a mess, and it was a little scary.  Poor little girl. 
• Leah's now been to the doctor 7 times in 3.5 weeks.
• She is now on her 5th medication for ear infections; none has worked yet. The 3rd round was a series of 5 shots in her little legs over 3 days. She had 1 ear infection in 10 months in California. She's had infected ears continuously for the past 3 weeks here in Atlanta. We're just not sure if it's the same infection, or different ones.
• Leah's newest medication apparently results in massive diarrhea. In fact, the bottle says "diarrhea may persist for weeks or months after medication is finished." Wonderful. So now we're just sitting around waiting to wear out the diaper genie.  Apologies in advance, Leah. 
• We now have an appointment with an ENT.  Fingers crossed we don't have to get tubes yet.
• We were also "pleasantly surprised" to find some pictures online of Leah's new daycare class. My favorite are the pictures of 2 other kids sucking on Leah's pacifier.  And they wondered why we wanted to bring it home and clean it every night. 
• On top of all this, I just filed a claim for $6,500 with the moving company, if that gives you any indication as to how "smoothly" the move went.  Among other things, our goods were split into 2 shipments without our knowledge, and it took way too long to get into our townhome.  So we've been behind the ball ever since we got here. 

If we have another 2 weeks like these past 2 weeks, AA likely won't pass the bar.  So we had to make some changes. 

• First, we've had some serious help from family.  Nana and Papa came several weekends to watch Leah while AA studied and I got things done around the house.  Unfortunately, I got sick and spent most of that time in bed while Nana and Papa watched Leah AND put together porch furniture, fixed the grill, cooked dinner, etc.  Thank you Nana and Papa!
• Then we were still overwhelmed.  So Gramma drove up to watch Leah this past weekend.  I was feeling better, so I got several things done around the house and even snuck over to get my GA license and a haircut.  I felt spoiled to get my first haircut in several months.  Thank you Gramma!
• We held several conversations last week with Leah's daycare teachers about her drinking bottles in a bouncer chair, which can encourage ear infections.  We were concerned about this from day one here and watched it closely.  But with so many problems lately, we just told them no...every morning and afternoon last week, to each teacher. 
• We're still trying to figure out how to keep other babies from munching on Leah's pacifier.  Can't have that any more either.
• We've pulled the pacifier during the day....only for use in the crib.  We've read that the constant use of pacifiers can encourage ear infections. 
• And now we have pulled Leah out of daycare for at least 2 weeks.  We just can't keep sending her back into the lion's den and dealing with her constantly being sick.  Not right now.  We have to get her well, and we all have to get well too. 
• AA has to get isolated.  There are too many distractions pulling at her right now. 
• So Nana has come to stay with us, at least for a couple of weeks.  She'll be watching Leah, and she's a huge help around the house too.  At this rate, AA is sure to pass the bar.  Thank you Nana!! 
• Unfortunately, this means that Papa will be eating a lot of Long John Silver's in July. 
• Family and friends, we promise things will get back to a state of normalcy at some point in August.  We will make the rounds and spend much more time with everyone.  We just have to survive right now. 

So if you were wondering why the blog hasn't been updated in a week, now you know.  On the flipside, the Peanut has gotten to meet a lot of our loyal blog readers in person, so there's the trade-off. 

In LA, we developed "Exam Mode."  That's when AA focuses on studying and I do virtually everything else that needs to be done.  That means Leah ends up running "Aarons" with me all over town. 

We thought AA's bar prep would force us into 2 months of "Exam Mode."  Instead, we are in "Survival Mode."  We have boxes everywhere, and we have just enough unpacked and set up so that we can survive until AA finishes the bar.  At that point, we can begin to get our lives back in order.

It's really hard to concentrate on work with all of this going on.  But I'm convinced we have the best baby in the world. Given all of this, she is generally just as happy as can be. Whether she's coughing, panting, sweating, or otherwise hurting, she tries so hard to smile through it all.

The rule in our house is that when you're sick, there are no rules.  Whatever makes you feel better, that's what goes.  You can see what makes Leah feel better....and I think it makes AA feel better too!  She's been sad that Leah won't sleep on her anymore.  But Leah has had no trouble curling up on Mommy recently.

Catching a cat nap in between "Aarons."  When she wakes up, she looks around quickly to
figure out where I've taken her this time, and if daycare, new faces, or shots are involved.



We didn't have to worry about her rolling off of our bed...she didn't have the energy.





"Make the pain go away, Mommy."



Pink eye is no match for the baby goldfish I'm about to devour. 
Put down the camera, and hand them over.



She's Back!

From this on Friday ....

Sick baby (with sick Daddy) at the doctor's office

To this on Sunday ....

Happy baby at the family picnic (look at those baby shoes!)

Our girl is back! Of course, now I have a sore throat, but that's just how our life goes. We wouldn't be "us" without some area of our life that's currently falling apart! That's just how we roll :)

On the Mend, Sort of

The good news is that Leah is on the mend.  She is almost back to her old self.  I didn't have the heart to take a picture of her when she was at her worst (Monday - Wednesday of this week) but I did snap one on Thursday.  She still looks pitiful in it but much much better than she did earlier in the week. 

The bad news is that on Thursday BA got extremely sick and I was the last man standing.  I had to send Nana home for fear that she would get sick too, and she was supposed to leave us Wednesday anyway but out of generosity stayed an extra night to help us.  Nana and Papa returned this weekend to stay with us and help out around the house, but poor Nana came back with a cold thanks to our little germ factory.  Beware other generous family members who have offered to help us out through this ordeal ... no good deed goes unpunished!  Miraculously I'm still not sick - either I have the immunity of a horse, or I'm about to get it bad. 

Here's our pitiful baby on Thursday of this week.

 Here's a close up of her arm with the little red spot where they put in the needle to take her blood.  So sad :(

 

BA is still sick - he even went to urgent care on Saturday to make sure he didn't have strep throat.  He rallied today to attend a family picnic in honor of his grandparents (because they are lovely people and we just had to be there), but he still feels like death and went to bed at 7 p.m. tonight.  So I'm on Leah-watch while trying to finish listening to a Georgia Civil Procedure Lecture tonight.  My study hours are so out of whack right now; I've been waking up around 6 a.m. because that's when Leah starts to stir.  But I have no energy at 6 a.m. because I only went to bed around 1 a.m.  Lately I've been unable to fall asleep because I'm either working on studying or wide awake for some reason.  I am exhausted.  My eye lids feel like they weigh 50 pounds.  But I'm trying to study every minute that I can because who knows how much time I'll have the next day.  I keep going because (a) I have to, and (b) in a month and a day this will all be over!!!

Really Really Sick Baby

This has been a scary week.  On Monday I took Leah to the doctor.  She had a sore throat, cough, ear infection in one ear, and temperature of 103.7.  On Tuesday she cried all day, and refuse to eat.  Any liquids I could get in her, she would throw up when she coughed.  This morning, she was still burning up, still coughing, still refusing liquids, still not eating, and so lethargic she could barely hold up her own head.  We went to the doctor.  After a mini-lecture from the nurse on why "you should always take her temperature before giving any Tylenol" I sharply said, "I guarantee you, she has a fever."  She did - 104.6. 

The doctor checked her ears.  Both of them were fully infected and had only gotten worse since Monday, even on the antibiotics.  The doctor took her blood - Leah did so great (actually the nurse is the one who did great, Leah didn't even know she had a needle in her arm - she just kept up with her constantly moan/cry and never flinched once).  So far her blood looks fine, thank goodness, more tests will be run over the next 2 days.  And she's now on antibiotic shots.  She got one round of shots today, and we go back to the doctor Thursday and Friday of this week to finish the second and third round of shots. 

She has been miserable this whole time.  A double ear infection plus a nasty virus combines to make one monster illness.  It is just awful to hear her moan, in such pain.  She hasn't fought a diaper change in three days and she no longer has the energy to fight the car seat.  Today she was barely sucking her pacifier, which was absolutely pitiful to see - she usually goes at her paci "W" with gusto and vigor.  And I am supposed to be studying, but how can I when my baby is in the other room, crying , "ma-ma-ma-ma-ma ..?"  She just wants to be held and sleep all day and has absolutely no energy.   And it's my responsibility to try and sneak liquids in her every chance I get.  So I run up and down the stairs checking on her, offering Gatorade or apple juice in her bottle, studying in short spurts, while Nana rocks and holds her all day.

I hold her at night.  When she wakes up with a hacking cough (about once an hour) she will either put herself back to sleep if it's not too bad, or it will get so bad that BA or I will run in there, scoop her up and cuddle her to try and stop the coughing.  Since fluids are such a priority for us, BA and I have resorted back to the syringe as a feeding device.  Last night at 1 a.m. BA and I were sitting on the floor of our bedroom trying to force feed Leah apple juice from a syringe.  She was refusing her bottle, but if I could get a syringe in her mouth she would usually take about 20 mL of juice before she gave up on that. 

I miss her smiling face.  I miss her giggles and the sneaky look she gives me right before she takes off crawling at full speed toward the living room (which is still not baby-proofed and is off limits to her).  I miss watching her stand up and crawl.  She has such a wonderful personality and we haven't seen it in 4 days now.  But at the same time, she is so lovable when she is sick.  She will cuddle up on whoever is holding her and fall asleep in their arms, open mouthed and panting. 

So that's the update.  She is a really, really sick baby.  Hopefully she'll be back to her perky self by the weekend, and I'll be back to Bar review lectures and practice problems.  In the meantime I expect to get some more cuddle time from my sweet, beautiful, baby girl tonight.

8 Month Hula Skirt

Remember back before Peanut arrived, we took a poll among family members ... would I be having (a) Swim Trunks, or (b) a Hula Skirt?  The Hula Skirt won, obviously, and we finally made that trip to Hawaii we'd been dreaming about for over a year.  Because we did so much and took so many pictures, I'll have publish a couple of posts on Hawaii.  But I wanted to make sure I got the 8 month post up first.  Look for lots of photos from the rest of the trip in the coming days.

On the first full-day in Hawaii, Leah turned 8 months.  BA stuck with his tradition and got her a cake.  There wasn't a single pineapple upside-down cake at the grocery story (would you believe that!) so he just bought a white cake and chopped off the top of a pineapple for decoration. 

Aloha!

The above picture was the ONLY picture in this series where Leah was smiling.  She actually spent a good deal of the trip sick (croup cough that just got worse) and we ended up spending half a day going to a pediatrician in Honolulu, only to find out there was nothing we could do.  As usual, the Peanut exhibited no symptoms at all while at our $150 impromptu doctor's appointment.  This is classic Leah.  Screams all night, coughs up a lung, throws up her formula, refuses her formula, we go to the doctor, and she smiles like nothing is wrong.  Not a sniffle, not a cough, not even a runny nose.  The doctor looked at her and actually said, "well, she's the picture of health." 

So we went back to the condo and started steam showers, during the day and over-night.  Luckily Hawaii is humid so there was no need for a humidifier, we just slept with the balcony door open.  And we tried to get her to nap but she would have none of it.  She hated the pack-n-play they brought in for her crib.  She would scream and cry and flail her legs up and down on the pad.  So in order to get her to sleep someone would usually have to load her in the stroller and take a walk. 

Because of our impromptu visit to the doctor we got an accurate weight and height for Leah.

Weight:  17 pounds, 8 ounces (38%)
Height:  27.5 inches (60%)

And our biggest milestone for this month so far (only crawling has the potential to surpass this one) Leah learned how to clap!  We'd been trying to get her to do it for a few weeks, but it wasn't until her Nana clapped for her that Leah decided it was time to try it out.  And she loves it!

Happy 8 months to my little Hula Skirt!

Baby Talk

Well my baby has an ear infection in both her ears.  She's had a cold for about 7 days and last night her cough was so bad that she turned red and was gasping for air.  Her cough was waking her up and she couldn't seem to stop coughing until we got her in the bathroom and turned on the steam shower.  We did three steam showers overnight last night and by the morning I was watching the clock until the doctor's office opened.  Turns out she has two ear infections and a little bit of wheezing in her lungs, which is from some viral cough that usually accompanies the ear infections.  Poor little girl.  She has been sick so much recently which I'm sure is due to daycare.  I have a love/hate relationship with daycare - love them because they take good care of my child and allow me to pursue my career - hate them because she will constantly get sick as long as she's at daycare.  And when she is sick, which is a lot, I can't take her to daycare so either I skip school or BA takes off from work.  We had to do both this week.  It's been a long week. 

Of course Leah was a perfect little angel at the doctors, no constant whining and fussing like at home.  She just stared up at him and blinked her eyes every few seconds so calmly like nothing was wrong.  Maybe she remembered her last visit when she got her shots and thought, "if I just play nice, he'll stay away from me."    

And since it's finally Friday, here's a video from last weekend, before she got this latest cold.  Have a good weekend, everyone!

Seen around L.A.

As we drive around town, we sometimes see things worthy of a picture or two.  For example, the other day BA snapped these two gems ...

Classic L.A. sign

And our favorite L.A. sign

Isn't a three-year time span your definition of "temporary," too???

Haha.  Isn't that sign the best?  I first saw the sign at the Santa Monica Blvd exit ramp off the 405 when I was driving to the doctor twice a week for ultrasounds, and I groaned because I thought, "great, another traffic hurdle."  But then I realized that the exit ramp was only closed at night, you know, temporarily, for 3 years.  Ah, L.A., you make me smile and laugh sometimes.  And isn't that Hollywood sign shot amazing.  BA found a lookout point to take this photo - it's not zoomed in, he's actually that close.  And it's really hard to get close to the Hollywood sign.  I think it's a super cool shot.

Leah has been sick this week with a bad cold that has started to sound like the croup.  She is basically coughing through the night, usually every 10 or 15 minutes and it started to sound pretty violent, and sharp.  So last night, I took her into the shower for some hot steam for 15 minutes at 1:30 a.m.  It seemed to calm the cough a little.  She's also back to throwing up her bottle when she coughs, but I think that's because of the cold and not the reflux.  I actually think we have the reflux under control.  (Yippie, Yeee-haw, Ya-hoo!!!!)  God bless Prevacid!  She doesn't seem to be having any more signs of pain from the reflux (arching back, waking up screaming in the middle of her naps or the night, and she'd stopped throwing up her bottle for a week until her cough started which, again, leads me to conclude that the cold is causing the cough, which is causing the throwing up - not reflux!)  And here's a big announcement ... we moved her to her crib this week and she's sleeping in it without the wedge!!!  We were scared to do it.  The reflux flared last month right around the same time that we first tried to take her off the wedge, and it was an awful three weeks before we finally gave up and put her back on the wedge.  Because the two occurred around the same time, we felt like maybe we were chained to the wedge and could never take her off it.  But then we got her on Prevacid and I felt like maybe we could try the crib again.  BA was content to leave her on the wedge because at least it worked - she didn't cry that much on it and she would sleep - kind of - unless she dropped her pacifier, which happened every 10 minutes, and then one of us would have to give it back to her.  She just seemed so confined on the wedge.  I could tell that she wanted to stretch out and I also suspected that she'd be able to soothe herself if she could roll around and find her pacifier.  As long as she was on the wedge, she'd never learn to self-soothe.  So I wanted to try the crib again.  Before we made the switch, we upgraded her crib.  First, we decided to buy bumpers.  We hadn't done this earlier because all the literature on SIDS recommended against it for newborns, but I decided that we needed to give her something to snuggle up against.  We found these super plush, chocolate brown, velour bumpers for $30 at Babies-R-Us and Leah loves them.  She will snuggle up next to them and run her hands over the bumpers to feel the fabric and I think it calms her down.  Another great side bonus is that they block out more light so she doesn't wake up when I walk in the room.  We also got one of those slight wedges that inclines about 3 inches and goes under the fitted sheet.  It elevates her head just a little, and she seems to like that as well.  This crib looks so comfortable now it makes me want to get in and take a nap.  And so far, she seems to like it too. 

This is huge for me.  For some reason, I've felt like a bad mother because I couldn't get my baby to sleep in her crib like all the other babies.  I know that's a silly thought and I shouldn't compare our situation to other babies who didn't suffer from reflux.  But I did.  Reflux is a whole different ballgame.  Even accepting that fact, I had expected to move her to sleeping flat in her crib at 3 months.  That never happened with us because at that point we had to use the wedge.  By 6 months, I felt like I'd failed because we were still using the wedge and I could tell that she was outgrowing it.  And now, when I watch her in her crib, stretched out and usually snuggled up against her plush bumpers, it just makes me so happy.  She looks so comfortable.  I love to watch her sleep. 

New Formula, New Food

Since all our renewed problems with reflux, we've put Leah on a new formula, Similac Alimentum.  It's a hypoallergenic formula that stinks (really, it smells awful) and costs twice as much as the regular formula that we still have five cases of.  I hope she outgrows the reflux in time to use the old formula otherwise that's about $200 down the drain.  For a while she was refusing to eat the Alimentum because I was making the powdered kind which smelled even worse than the liquid ready-to-feed kind.  Finally, I broke down and bought the ready-to-feed kind and Princess Leah is willing to eat that.  The good news is that her eating habits are pretty much back to normal.  She is gulping down six ounces at a time and wants more (this kid has no portion control).  We are slowly increasing the amount for fear that we'll overfeed her and get thrown-up on again.  But so far, since we started the Prevacid and the Alimentum, she has had zero throw-ups!  Yay!!!!  She still coughs a lot in her sleep - which is incredibly distracting, but not necessarily disturbing because I've read that reflux babies do that.

In addition to new formula, we started solid foods!  Leah LOVES the rice cereal.  I should clarify - she loves the action of eating, not so much the consumption of the rice cereal.  She will see me coming with that bowl and spoon and she will start kicking her legs and swatting her hands with excitement.  She attacks every bite and is just having a ball eating the food, and then spitting most of it back out.  I don't know that it's helped her sleep any longer at night; she is still waking up around mid-night to eat, but she's only eating once overnight, which is an improvement.  She has started waking up around 4:30 a.m. to whine and fuss and we're not quite sure why she does that.  So we are back to plugging the pacifier every 15 minutes from the wee hours of 4:30 a.m. for as long as we can stretch her, usually until 6:30 a.m. when we give up and feed her. 

Needless to say, neither BA nor I are well.  We've both been sick for about 3 weeks now.  He's had a non-stop cold and I started out with a cold and then added the stomach flu on top of that.  I'm pretty much nauseated throughout the day and am sick of eating saltines and dry toast.  Here's hoping the weekend brings us both restored health.

Reflux is Back

I am so discouraged.  For the past month we have been trying to get Leah to sleep flat in her crib, not on the sleeping wedge.  We wanted to do this because (1) she is 6 months old, (2) she wants to move around a bit, and (3) she cannot self-soothe on the wedge which results in a lot of nighttime soothing for BA and me.  So about 3 weeks ago, we decided to take her off the wedge.  She did not take to this well.  She fussed/cried all night for the first week, and then she started coughing all night.  After about 30 minutes of coughing, one of us would give up and get out of bed to pick her up and soothe her.  The minute we picked her up, she'd throw-up all over us.  This week we have spent the hours of 2 a.m. to 4 a.m. every night cleaning up the mess.  There would be spit-up everywhere - on her crib, our comforter, our carpet, her sleeper, our clothes.  It is terrible.  And this week she started refusing her bottle.  At this rate, I'm not even sure how much she is eating.  We can only get her to eat about 4 ounces at a time and she is literatlly throwing-up every other bottle.  I'm estimating that she is eating half of what she was just two weeks ago.  We called the doctor today after she threw-up twice in four hours and he put her on Prevacid.  I was so excited about this - despite the $180 price tag for 30 pills - hopeful for any improvement.  She took it a lot better than that nasty Zantac she was on, and she ate 4 ounces at dinner, but then 10 minutes later she threw it up.  BA ran to the bathroom and held her in the bathtub while she threw-up two more times.  

Aside from how worried I am about Leah, this has turned our life upside down.  We get thrown-up on at least 3 times a day.  It's disgusting.  We are constantly doing laundry.  BA and I are averaging about 3-4 hours of sleep a night for the past 3 weeks.  I am sick and he is having allergic reactions due to a weakened immune system.  We are lucky to have my Dad visiting us and helping out but even he isn't immune from the mess.  He hadn't been here 24 hours before Leah spit-up all over him during a morning feeding.
 
And I am constantly trying to figure out what to do next.  I am a problem-solver by nature.  I will sit awake at 5 a.m. and google "reflux" looking for a solution that we haven't already tried.  I incessantly pose new ideas to BA and he's seriously tired of my problem-solving because everything we try seems to fail.  But I can't stop thinking about solutions and formulating action plans.  It's just so confusing because we thought the reflux had eased up a bit when  just last month she seemed to be doing well, spitting up less.  And now everything is back, worse than ever before.

Through all of this, Leah has had the best attitude.  She will throw-up her entire bottle and then look up at us and smile.  She is just the sweetest baby and it kills me that I can't help her.  And I suspect that most of her aversion to naps and the non-stop crying that we were fighting has to do with reflux.  She doesn't want to lay down when the acid is just going to cause her pain.  I feel so bad for getting frustrated at her when she won't sleep but we are all so tired and desperately need the rest.   

So I don't really know where to go from here.  We are going to keep her on the wedge and give the Prevacid a try this week.  Hopefully this will settle her stomach and stop the constant throwing-up.  I am going to add rice cereal to her bottle and we are starting solids soon.  I can only hope for some improvement.

No TV in the House ... Except

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children under the age of 2 spend no time in front of the TV because it slows their brain development.  We agree.  Leah watches no TV, ever.  Except when I have to file her nails.  Then I flip on HGTV and she is instantly mesmerized by dreamy Scott McGillivray on the show "Income Property."  I'm done in two minutes flat.

Watching the TV while mom files her nails with an electric filer (much faster).

Look at her.  Completely zoned out.  Works like a charm :)

Progress and the Pot Doctor

We are making slight progress in the daytime sleeping department.  Leah is now taking naps for up to one hour in her crib.  I know that doesn't sound very long to some parents out there, but for us, it's progress.  I'm trying to stretch it a little each day, but she usually requires a mid-nap soothing session around 45 minutes.  Unfortunately, when I hear her stirring in her crib and go in to check on her, she pops her eyes open, looks directly at me, and smiles at me like she's thinking, "okay, mommy, it's play time now?"  Game over, kid.  You win.  It's so hard not to pick her up and interact with her at that moment.  I try and just rub her belly and give her a pacifier but she is not so easily fooled.  Right now I still have to pick her up and rock her to sleep again, but I'm hoping that I can start dropping that soon because I don't want that to become a long-term habit.

Nighttime sleeping is still a great challenge for us.  She will go 4 hours between feedings her first stretch (that's really only 3.5 hours of sleep max) and then after that she'll wake up every 2.5 hours overnight to eat.  As you would expect, we are beyond exhausted.  The other thing that is adding to our exhaustion is that I have been sick for over a week.  It started as a slight fever with chills, and has developed into a monster cold with a cough that is so persistent I found myself at urgent care last Thursday evening.  I would cough and cough so much until I couldn't breathe. 

This urgent care clinic was, let's say, unusual.  It was located in a very normal looking strip mall and on the outside it appeared to be a medical clinic located next to a medical marijuana dispensary (ah California, and your wacky laws).  However, once we were inside the building it appeared to be one in the same.  There was one, very old, doctor shuffling around, a couple of nurses, and one slender, young, bald guy in blue jeans and a plaid button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled up.  The younger bald guy kept walking up and down the halls, sometimes talking to the older doctor, but he always made his way back to a room at the end of the hall that was painted, ahem, green.  Our theory is that the young bald guy convinced his grandfather, the old legit doctor, that medical pot was profitable and that he would "supervise" the operation.  I don't really have an opinion on whether or not marijuana is an effective medicine for people with chronic pain, but I do know that medical marijuana is extremely easy to get in this state, and that it's likely abused.  Apparently you can walk into any medical marijuana clinic, complain of back pain, and snap, you've got yourself a prescription for some pot.  In any case, I did not ask, nor was I invited, to visit the green room, but I did walk out of there with a prescription for antibiotics and lots of cough syrup. 

I'm still trying to kick this cough, but it does not want to go away easily.  BA has been handling almost all the night feedings for me and he's really ready for me to feel better again.  I am so grateful for his help and hopeful that I feel better soon.

The Great Debate

No this isn't about law or politics - it's about breastfeeding.  You have been forewarned and can now switch back to ESPN.com or TMZ online.

I spent much of Leah's first 3 months struggling with the breastfeeding vs. formula debate.  It seems that every parenting book ever written, and the entire internet, was convinced that I should breastfeed my child.  Just Googling the word "breastfeeding" will bring up countless message boards where people express their opinion that you should breastfeed for a full year and that formula is poison.   And But what no one talks about is that it's a two person operation.  I felt enormous pressure to breastfeed Leah, but as it turned out, she felt no pressure to reciprocate and could care less, really. 



My sister did a wonderful thing for me.  She sent me Tina Fey's auto-biography, Bossypants.  I told her I didn't have time to read for fun.  She said, just read the chapter that I've tabbed; you'll appreciate it.

The Chapter is called "There's a drunk midget in my house" and it's all about Tina Fey's attempt at breastfeeding.  Here are some of my favorite parts.

Invented in the mid-1800s as a last ditche option for orphans and underweight babies, packaged infant formula has since been perfected to be a complete and reliable source of stress and shame for mothers.... There's a lot of different opinions as to how long one should breast-feed.  The World Health Organization says six months.  The American Association of PEdiatrics says one year is ideal.  Mothering magazine suggests you nurse the child until just before his rehearsal dinner.  I say you must find what works for you.  For my little angel and me, the magic number was seventy-two hours."

Hahahahahah.  I love this.  And I love my sister for pointing this out to me.  The pressure to breast-feed in our culture is intense, yet I have a sneaking suspicion that most mothers at least supplement with formula, and at some point, sometimes very early on, use formula exclusively.  I like formula.  There, I said it.  You know why?  Because it's easy.  I don't have to worry about how long to store it.  I can't ruin the nutrient qualities by using a bottle warmer to heat instead of running it under luke-warm water.  I don't have to pump to get it.

I have tried to continue to pump twice a day to give Leah the best food possible.  But I'm also using a lot of formula and I've decided not to feel guilty about it.  It's what works for us.  And I don't know ... she looks pretty happy and healthy to me. 





"You try and take me away from my mommy and you'll be sorry, punk!"



"Oh, wait, did you say it's bath time - peace out mama."

"I love the bath, I love the bath, I love the bath."

"Working on my jacuzzi tub pose."

A Comparison

BA took Leah to her appointment with the real pediatric GI yesterday.  I couldn't go because I had school.  The good news ... there's no permanent damage being done due to her reflux and she doesn't require further treatment.  The bad news ... her symptoms are a combination of colic and acid reflux and there's really nothing we can do about it except try to make her comfortable for the next 3-6 months until she outgrows it.  The doctor said that her symptoms are considered "normal" in a small percentage of babies and that we just got unlucky here and will have to wait it out.  So basically, BA and I have given up on the idea of getting her to sleep at night without being held.  We've decided to create an overnight schedule and go back to taking shifts holding her all night.  Even though this means I'll be lucky if I ever get more than 3 hours a night, it's also a relief to just quit fighting it.  There is satisfaction in just accepting the situation as it is, and moving on.  We'll be sleep-deprived, but hopefully happier because we now know there's really nothing we can do about it except wait.

On a lighter note, I got some sleep last night because BA decided to stay up and work late (while Leah was strapped on him in the baby carrier - at least she'll sleep this way so he can get some work done around the house).  Then BA's mom took over holding Leah at 5 a.m. so I only had to wake up for about 45 minutes in the middle of the night to nurse her.  It was great!  I think when you combine it, I got almost 6 hours of sleep!!! 

And just for fun, we took some Daddy-Daughter photos of Leah at 6 weeks in comparison to a photo taken of me at 6 weeks.  What do you think?  The nurses at the hospital all thought that newborn Leah looked like BA, but I think she's starting to take after her mom :)

AA and her Dad at 6 weeks --- Leah and her Dad at 6 weeks.
(click to enlarge)

Lost It

Tuesday afternoon we had an appointment with a pediatric gastroenterologist for Leah's reflux.  I spent the entire day at school, exhausted, but hopeful that we could get some answers that afternoon at the doctor.  After nearly falling asleep in my last class, I jumped in the car and sped down the highway to the doctor's office.  BA and Leah met me there.  I checked in at the front desk, filled out the routine paperwork, and we were called into an examination room.  The doctor came in and BA and I began listing all of Leah's many reflux symptoms: she is constantly clearing her throat, making grunting noises, she cries in pain when she's on her back, she prefers to be on her stomach, she will wake for no reason screaming, she arches her neck and pumps her legs when she cries, she won't sleep peacefully for very long and needs to be held vertically, etc.  Once we felt we had sufficiently told the doctor her symptoms, he looked up from his notes, and said, "Okay, but I'm a cardiologist, so what can I do for you?" 

My heart sunk so fast.  As it turned out, our insurance company website had mis-labeled his office as a pediatric GI.  I was so sleep-deprived I didn't bother to notice that the header on the top of the intake forms I was filling out said "cardiology."  BA said the receptionist who made the appointment didn't bother to mention that reflux was not a condition they treated.  He did notice the sign on the door said pediatric cardiology but he thought maybe it was a combined practice.  And neither of us thought twice when the nurse took Leah's blood pressure (it was normal, by the way).  On the ride home, I lost it.  I sobbed because my baby girl is still in pain.  I wept because I'd gotten my hopes up that we might find a solution today.  And I cried because I'm tired.   

New Sleeping Arrangements

Leah's acid reflux remains a problem.  On Thursday we desperately called the doctor, again, to ask for another appointment and another prescription.  She is now on Prevacid and we are feeding her every 2 hours so her stomach doesn't get over full and cause excess spit-up.  However, we think (hope, pray to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph) we've found a new sleeping solution that works!  I hate to get too excited because it's only been 1 night, but last night Leah slept on her own, without being held by either of her parents.  We purchased a sleeping wedge that keeps her propped up on a 30 degree incline.  This is supposed to help reflux babies sleep by using gravity to keep the acid in her tummy.  This thing is so funny - we have to strap her into it with Velcro so she doesn't slide down and then BA and I sleep on either side of her.  I had never planned on co-sleeping - she was supposed to sleep in a bassinet for 3 months, then graduate to a crib - but this is the only thing that seems to work.  And because she is elevated and not under the covers, I'm not worried for her safety.  We still have to wake up every 2 or 3 hours to feed her but that's a heck of a lot better than what we were doing - taking shifts to stay up all night and hold her.  She loves being next to mommy and daddy and this way we can hopefully all get a little simultaneous sleep.

A closer look at this contraption ...

And a cute picture of Peanut just for fun ...

 

Doctor's Orders

We went to the doctor yesterday for Leah's one month check-up.  She's in the 50th percentile for height, 50th percentile for head circumference, and 10th percentile for weight.  She's 21 inches long and weighs 7 lbs 7 oz - and she's doing great.  Our pediatrician told us that our usual night time routine of taking shifts to stay awake and hold Leah all night, is not normal.  Most babies are sleeping for at least 2 or 3 hour stretches at this point.  We're lucky if she sleeps alone for 45 minutes.  He thinks she has GERD, or acid reflux, which is causing her extreme pain when she is horizontal (hence why she only sleeps when being held and cries the instant we put her down in her bassinet).  My poor baby!  We left the doctor's with a prescription for Zantac and O'Doul's non-alcoholic beer.  Well, the beer is just for me - haha.  I get to drink it while pumping to boost my milk supply.  Even though there's only 0.5% alcohol content in it, I'm still enjoying the idea of drinking after 9 months without a drop.  Pumping suddenly got a lot more fun!

What Happened?

What happened?  My perfect little angel baby has turned into a crying mess.  Since she was born, Leah has never slept for very long - she usually only sleeps for an hour and a half at any one time.  I think part of that was due to the fact that I was breastfeeding her and had to wake her up every 3 hours to feed, but most of the time she would wake herself up.  We were tired but hopeful that she would start extending her night time sleeping.  Not so lucky.  This week has been terrible.  She will sleep pretty well during the day, but she is inconsolable all night.  The crying is related to pain; she squirms and fights and kicks her legs furiously like she's is such pain and I feel so sorry for her.  Unless she is laying on either my or BA's chest, she won't stop crying, and BA has to work during the day so that means I'm on night duty. The pacifier works only until she spits it out, which happens about every 5 minutes. So I've pretty much stopped sleeping over night.  I get about 2 hours total all day, and I haven't gotten more than 3 hours in any 24 hour period in the last 4 weeks.  It's so bad that I decided to place a call to our pediatrician and describe Leah's symptoms.  I'm scared to even mention the "C" word (colic) but everything the doctor prescribed for her symptoms relates to colic.  The doctor said to try out everything he recommended over the weekend and call if things don't improve.  We'll see.

Here's my little angel sleeping by day.  She hates to have her arms confined and will wiggle them out of any blanket or swaddle I put her in.

We've put her bassinet on an incline so she ends up sliding all the way to the bottom.  Check out what she did to this swaddle I put on her.  She hates to be covered with anything!

"What's wrong Mom, night time is for play time!"