BA's Corner: ZZZZ

You know you need some sleep when you start asking yourself where you can take naps while getting other things accomplished.

For example, I pulled up to a stoplight the other day. As soon as my car came to a stop, I immediately thought to myself, "I'll probably be here for a couple of minutes. I wonder if I can squeeze in a nap? I'm sure if I roll into the middle of the intersection, somebody will let me know."

The lines are blurred these days. I'll wake up and think Leah is still on top of me, or that AA just asked me to wake up and hold her for a few minutes while she uses the restroom. Over the next 15 seconds of wake/sleep/dreaming/confusion, the situation will rapidly deteriorate until the Peanut has vanished into thin air, fallen off the bed, or disappeared into the sheets. Before I can live my life again, I'll have to rush out into the living room to make sure that AA still has Leah and it was all a dream. So far, it's always been a dream. Whew!

The truth is, Peanut, you're worth every sleepless minute.

Nana and Papa's visit

BA's parents, also known as Nana and Papa, came to visit last week to meet Miss Leah.  We are extremely lucky that BA's mom, Nana, agreed to stay on with us for the next 4 weeks and watch Leah while I'm in school.  This way, Leah won't have to go to daycare just yet, and she can stay safely at home until she's been immunized at 2 months.  Peanut loves her Nana, and would happily spend all day sleeping in her arms if she could. 

BA's dad, Papa, decided that Leah needed a piggy bank and he told us he was ordering her a bank and would bring her some change to put in it.  I expected that he'd bring a couple of coins, but Papa brought about a gazillion quarters, nickles, and, dimes - it's practically enough to start her college fund ;)

Papa swapping investment strategies with the Peanut.

Leah thinks this is a comfortable way to nap.

Awwww.

A Comparison

BA took Leah to her appointment with the real pediatric GI yesterday.  I couldn't go because I had school.  The good news ... there's no permanent damage being done due to her reflux and she doesn't require further treatment.  The bad news ... her symptoms are a combination of colic and acid reflux and there's really nothing we can do about it except try to make her comfortable for the next 3-6 months until she outgrows it.  The doctor said that her symptoms are considered "normal" in a small percentage of babies and that we just got unlucky here and will have to wait it out.  So basically, BA and I have given up on the idea of getting her to sleep at night without being held.  We've decided to create an overnight schedule and go back to taking shifts holding her all night.  Even though this means I'll be lucky if I ever get more than 3 hours a night, it's also a relief to just quit fighting it.  There is satisfaction in just accepting the situation as it is, and moving on.  We'll be sleep-deprived, but hopefully happier because we now know there's really nothing we can do about it except wait.

On a lighter note, I got some sleep last night because BA decided to stay up and work late (while Leah was strapped on him in the baby carrier - at least she'll sleep this way so he can get some work done around the house).  Then BA's mom took over holding Leah at 5 a.m. so I only had to wake up for about 45 minutes in the middle of the night to nurse her.  It was great!  I think when you combine it, I got almost 6 hours of sleep!!! 

And just for fun, we took some Daddy-Daughter photos of Leah at 6 weeks in comparison to a photo taken of me at 6 weeks.  What do you think?  The nurses at the hospital all thought that newborn Leah looked like BA, but I think she's starting to take after her mom :)

AA and her Dad at 6 weeks --- Leah and her Dad at 6 weeks.
(click to enlarge)

Lost It

Tuesday afternoon we had an appointment with a pediatric gastroenterologist for Leah's reflux.  I spent the entire day at school, exhausted, but hopeful that we could get some answers that afternoon at the doctor.  After nearly falling asleep in my last class, I jumped in the car and sped down the highway to the doctor's office.  BA and Leah met me there.  I checked in at the front desk, filled out the routine paperwork, and we were called into an examination room.  The doctor came in and BA and I began listing all of Leah's many reflux symptoms: she is constantly clearing her throat, making grunting noises, she cries in pain when she's on her back, she prefers to be on her stomach, she will wake for no reason screaming, she arches her neck and pumps her legs when she cries, she won't sleep peacefully for very long and needs to be held vertically, etc.  Once we felt we had sufficiently told the doctor her symptoms, he looked up from his notes, and said, "Okay, but I'm a cardiologist, so what can I do for you?" 

My heart sunk so fast.  As it turned out, our insurance company website had mis-labeled his office as a pediatric GI.  I was so sleep-deprived I didn't bother to notice that the header on the top of the intake forms I was filling out said "cardiology."  BA said the receptionist who made the appointment didn't bother to mention that reflux was not a condition they treated.  He did notice the sign on the door said pediatric cardiology but he thought maybe it was a combined practice.  And neither of us thought twice when the nurse took Leah's blood pressure (it was normal, by the way).  On the ride home, I lost it.  I sobbed because my baby girl is still in pain.  I wept because I'd gotten my hopes up that we might find a solution today.  And I cried because I'm tired.   

6 Weeks

Leah is 6 weeks today.  6 weeks is some sort of baby milestone.  I have a baby book that says at 6 weeks babies begin extending their nighttime sleep.  Yeah right.  Not my child.  Actually, I think that if we didn't have the acid reflux to deal with, she probably would be able to sleep 4-5 hours straight right now.  I'm kind of ticked that there really is no solution to this problem except to let her outgrow it.  That could take another 6 months!  That's a lot of sleepless nights ahead of me and a lot of discomfort for little Leah.

But aside from her sleeping challenges, Leah is excelling in a lot of ways.  Just yesterday she was laying on my chest and she lifted her head to look at me and held it up for a good 10 seconds.  Then she relaxed for a couple of seconds and she did it again, and again.  She is so curious.  She spends all of her awake time with the widest, biggest eyes, just taking in everything around her.  Her little fists have started grabbing my hair and holding on very tightly, and I think yesterday she discovered that she has a hand.  She was flailing her arms around, and then all of a sudden she focused on one of her hands and her eyes got huge like she was thinking, "Whoa! What's this attached to my arm?!?!"  Still not sure if she's aware that she has 2 hands yet.  She recognizes her mom and dad, and she still loves the bath.  And she is the sweetest most adorable little baby ever. 

6 weeks is a major milestone for me too.  I go to the doctor today for the first time since I delivered.  This is the point where I will be declared officially "recovered" although I've felt fully recovered since about 3 weeks.  And today is also the beginning of a new school year ... my last school year to be exact ... but more on that later ...

Baby was born to ride.

New Sleeping Arrangements

Leah's acid reflux remains a problem.  On Thursday we desperately called the doctor, again, to ask for another appointment and another prescription.  She is now on Prevacid and we are feeding her every 2 hours so her stomach doesn't get over full and cause excess spit-up.  However, we think (hope, pray to Jesus, Mary, and Joseph) we've found a new sleeping solution that works!  I hate to get too excited because it's only been 1 night, but last night Leah slept on her own, without being held by either of her parents.  We purchased a sleeping wedge that keeps her propped up on a 30 degree incline.  This is supposed to help reflux babies sleep by using gravity to keep the acid in her tummy.  This thing is so funny - we have to strap her into it with Velcro so she doesn't slide down and then BA and I sleep on either side of her.  I had never planned on co-sleeping - she was supposed to sleep in a bassinet for 3 months, then graduate to a crib - but this is the only thing that seems to work.  And because she is elevated and not under the covers, I'm not worried for her safety.  We still have to wake up every 2 or 3 hours to feed her but that's a heck of a lot better than what we were doing - taking shifts to stay up all night and hold her.  She loves being next to mommy and daddy and this way we can hopefully all get a little simultaneous sleep.

A closer look at this contraption ...

And a cute picture of Peanut just for fun ...

 

Granda's visit

I should write an update of how Leah is doing with her reflux, but honestly I am so discouraged and exhausted that I just don't feel like it today.  So instead, I'm going to post on a much happier subject, and share some pictures from my Dad and Wanda's visit last week. They were such a huge help to us ... they took a couple night shifts during particularly bad nights, Wanda cleaned our apartment for us and made meals, my Dad repaired my turn signals and front headlights in my car, and the biggest help of all, just holding Leah and playing with her.

Here's Leah with her Granda and Nana Wanda.

Leah and her Granda.

Watching the golf tournament on TV.  Leah looks like she's had one too many ... bottles of milk, that is.

We also took Leah on her first trip to the beach.  There's this local seafood restaurant called Malibu Seafood Company and it's one of my Dad's favorites when he visits.  It's outdoor dining at picnic tables so we could take the Peanut along with us.  After dinner we stopped to take a few photos on the beach.

In Malibu.

Peanut asked for a moment of private reflection before we left.

Doctor's Orders

We went to the doctor yesterday for Leah's one month check-up.  She's in the 50th percentile for height, 50th percentile for head circumference, and 10th percentile for weight.  She's 21 inches long and weighs 7 lbs 7 oz - and she's doing great.  Our pediatrician told us that our usual night time routine of taking shifts to stay awake and hold Leah all night, is not normal.  Most babies are sleeping for at least 2 or 3 hour stretches at this point.  We're lucky if she sleeps alone for 45 minutes.  He thinks she has GERD, or acid reflux, which is causing her extreme pain when she is horizontal (hence why she only sleeps when being held and cries the instant we put her down in her bassinet).  My poor baby!  We left the doctor's with a prescription for Zantac and O'Doul's non-alcoholic beer.  Well, the beer is just for me - haha.  I get to drink it while pumping to boost my milk supply.  Even though there's only 0.5% alcohol content in it, I'm still enjoying the idea of drinking after 9 months without a drop.  Pumping suddenly got a lot more fun!

One Month

Leah turned one month on Thursday.  We took a photo of her with a one month sticker on her onesie.  We received these adorable stickers from BA's cousin (thanks Renee!) that you place on the baby each month to track her growth.  So here's the first of her 12 monthly photos.

Our sweet pea at 1 month old!

Trying to get a family photo.

Unfortunately, Leah was not in the modeling mood Thursday.  She's been having a really rough time with sleeping - and BA and I have been having a rougher time trying to soothe her.  She will sometimes sleep for short periods in her bassinet during the day, but at night, she refuses to sleep anywhere but in someone's arms.  We have tried everything - mylicon drops, gripe water, switching to formula at night, elevating the head of her bassinet, extending her wake-time, shortening her wake-time, pacifier, bedtime routine.  Nothing is really working.  I think she has excessive gas because she will kick her legs frantically, bunch up her fists, and scream red-faced and then finally, more than an hour after she's fed, she'll burp, and go completely limp.  She'll be relaxed for a couple of minutes, long enough for me to put her in her bassinet, and then 5 minutes after I set her down, she'll be screaming and pumping her legs again.  And we start the whole process all over.  I think being held is the only thing that is truly comforting to her.  We feel terrible because there is nothing we can do to make her feel better, but at the same time, we are exhausted and can barely stay awake to hold her, all night, every night.  My Dad and Wanda have been visiting us this week and they generously offered to take the night shift for the past 2 days.  At first I didn't want to burden them, but then I realized that I wouldn't have this opportunity forever, and let them watch Leah from about 9 p.m. - 1 or 2 a.m.  Then BA or I will get up and take over and we rotate shifts until the morning.  It's been wonderful to have a small break for the first half of the night.  I just hope Leah outgrows this fussy phase really soon!

BA brought home a 1 month birthday cupcake for Leah.  He got the cupcake with the soccer ball on top because she is such a strong kicker :)  Leah was in no mood for a party.  She informed us that the memory of her actual birthday was still fresh in her mind and she was not at all interested in reliving that experience! 

Leah was not a happy camper

And.... we're back to our regularly scheduled programming.  The only place she sleeps ... on daddy :)

BA's Corner: Chain Gang

I'll be starting a support group for new Dads who have to return to work. It's tough to get fired up about work these days. I took 2 weeks off, but I needed at least 6. Aside from the adjustment and the bonding, sleep deprivation is no joke and AA can't do all of this alone. Besides, she's back in school now, so she's got her own problems to deal with. Fortunately, we've had great help.

Here's a picture from when I arrived home after my first day back in the office.

Depending on my schedule, I can sometimes get around this depression and still get my work done...

Hey, it works. Usually.

Growing up

My baby girl has outgrown her newborn clothes.  I could probably still squeeze her into the 5-8 lb size onesies but she's much more comfortable with a little wiggle room in the 0-3 month size. 

Flashback - I love this shot - it was taken at 1 week old.  She was already trying to hold her head up the day she was born, and I got lucky with this shot ... I caught her holding her head up and snapped the photo just in time.  

1 week old.

 
Look at her now!  We wanted to take some photos of one-month old Leah in this adorable outfit (a gift from one of my law school friends) complete with tennis shoes, before she outgrew it.  However, when we put this on her it became clear she wasn't about to outgrow it yet ... especially the shoes :)

1 month old

And here are a couple "outtakes" from her 1 month photo session. 

Weeeee - Modeling is fun!

Modeling is exhausting. 

Okay I'm bored.  I'm hitting the sack.

How do you unwind after a long day of work?

Grandma's Visit

Leah still wants to be held all night, every night.  She will sleep, but only if held, and then she only sleeps for a maximum 2 hours at a time.  The annoying part is that she's rarely irritable during the day - she usually sleeps just fine in her bassinet during the day.  I don't know if this is normal baby behavior, or colic, or painful digestion issues, but whatever it is, it sucks.  Lucky for us, we have family members who are very interested in getting to know our latest edition, and that equals help for me after sleepless nights.  Right now my Dad and his wife Wanda are visiting us and they have been relieving me at 5:30 a.m. so that I can get some sleep.  I got 3 hours in a row yesterday - the most I've gotten since Leah was born almost 4 weeks ago!

But our first visitor was Grandma, my mom.  She arrived 3 days after Leah was born and was with us for 2 weeks.  She was a God-send and we could not have made it through those early days without her.  Here are some pictures from her visit

The early days - Leah is only 5 days old here under Grandma's watchful hands and eyes.

My mom cooking up a storm!

Leah at 2 weeks.



Once Haley arrived in town, we left BA at home for some daddy-daughter time and took my mom to brunch.

Leah at almost 3 weeks!

Thanks for everything Grandma!

What Happened?

What happened?  My perfect little angel baby has turned into a crying mess.  Since she was born, Leah has never slept for very long - she usually only sleeps for an hour and a half at any one time.  I think part of that was due to the fact that I was breastfeeding her and had to wake her up every 3 hours to feed, but most of the time she would wake herself up.  We were tired but hopeful that she would start extending her night time sleeping.  Not so lucky.  This week has been terrible.  She will sleep pretty well during the day, but she is inconsolable all night.  The crying is related to pain; she squirms and fights and kicks her legs furiously like she's is such pain and I feel so sorry for her.  Unless she is laying on either my or BA's chest, she won't stop crying, and BA has to work during the day so that means I'm on night duty. The pacifier works only until she spits it out, which happens about every 5 minutes. So I've pretty much stopped sleeping over night.  I get about 2 hours total all day, and I haven't gotten more than 3 hours in any 24 hour period in the last 4 weeks.  It's so bad that I decided to place a call to our pediatrician and describe Leah's symptoms.  I'm scared to even mention the "C" word (colic) but everything the doctor prescribed for her symptoms relates to colic.  The doctor said to try out everything he recommended over the weekend and call if things don't improve.  We'll see.

Here's my little angel sleeping by day.  She hates to have her arms confined and will wiggle them out of any blanket or swaddle I put her in.

We've put her bassinet on an incline so she ends up sliding all the way to the bottom.  Check out what she did to this swaddle I put on her.  She hates to be covered with anything!

"What's wrong Mom, night time is for play time!"

The Middle Name

Leah's middle name, Haley, is my sister's name.  I wanted her middle name to be connected to my side of the family and I wanted it to mean something.  My middle name is my mother's name and I love it.  It means something to me; it connects me to my mother and my mother's side of the family.  Legally I have four names because I decided I didn't want to drop my middle name, nor did I want to drop my maiden name.  I wanted to give my baby my sister's name because I love my sister and I wanted my baby girl to grow up with a name that meant something to my side of the family.  Plus I just think it sounds nice. 

Aunt Haley came for a visit and brought books to read to Leah.

Leah enjoyed tummy time with Aunt Haley.