Lost It

Tuesday afternoon we had an appointment with a pediatric gastroenterologist for Leah's reflux.  I spent the entire day at school, exhausted, but hopeful that we could get some answers that afternoon at the doctor.  After nearly falling asleep in my last class, I jumped in the car and sped down the highway to the doctor's office.  BA and Leah met me there.  I checked in at the front desk, filled out the routine paperwork, and we were called into an examination room.  The doctor came in and BA and I began listing all of Leah's many reflux symptoms: she is constantly clearing her throat, making grunting noises, she cries in pain when she's on her back, she prefers to be on her stomach, she will wake for no reason screaming, she arches her neck and pumps her legs when she cries, she won't sleep peacefully for very long and needs to be held vertically, etc.  Once we felt we had sufficiently told the doctor her symptoms, he looked up from his notes, and said, "Okay, but I'm a cardiologist, so what can I do for you?" 

My heart sunk so fast.  As it turned out, our insurance company website had mis-labeled his office as a pediatric GI.  I was so sleep-deprived I didn't bother to notice that the header on the top of the intake forms I was filling out said "cardiology."  BA said the receptionist who made the appointment didn't bother to mention that reflux was not a condition they treated.  He did notice the sign on the door said pediatric cardiology but he thought maybe it was a combined practice.  And neither of us thought twice when the nurse took Leah's blood pressure (it was normal, by the way).  On the ride home, I lost it.  I sobbed because my baby girl is still in pain.  I wept because I'd gotten my hopes up that we might find a solution today.  And I cried because I'm tired.