BA's Corner: Lessons to New Fathers from a New Father

When I found out I was going to be a father, I did the only thing I know to do in any situation I don't know much about. I set out on a journey to collect as much information about the topic at hand as I could...books, internet research, friendly advice, people with more experience, etc. I knew I had a lot to learn, and I was anxious to learn it from those who had come before me.

The closer the due date came, the more advice I seemed to get. Much of it was duplicative at this point. What I began to realize is that each book was part of it's own philosophy or method, often conflicting with other books. In fact, it seemed that every nurse in the hospital subscribed to their own philosophy, which they shared with us at all hours of the night (much of it I was half asleep for). For instance...

What to Expect the First Year - This is the gold standard, of course. So much so, that we actually received several copies as gifts! I read about milk storage, cracking the crying code, and poop colors for many hours on airplanes this year. In April, I actually sat next to a woman on a plane who was also reading this book! Being non-social, I didn't let on. The downside of this book is that it's overkill. (Plus, it's got a really girly cover. Come on...guys are interested too!)

Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child - This is the #2 book I chose to focus on. It came recommended by some trusted friends. It emphasizes the importance of sleep and how to recognize drowsiness so you can maximize sleep for the long-term health of the child. I really bought into this, and still do. But for the first 2 weeks, this book simply doesn't apply. There's no mention of feeding, which is the real #1. Without feeding, you can forget about sleep habits.

Happiest Baby on the Block. I didn't read this one, but one of the nurses was talking about the 5 S's that came from this book (or was I dreaming when she was talking?). I don't remember what the S's were, but I can tell you there are a lot more than 5.

There are others. One book emphasizes natural bonding with the child, one emphasizes a strict schedule to eventually ease parents' workload. Everybody's got to make their money in the baby business these days. Oh, and I'm here to tell you that my daughter is cuter than almost all of the babies in these books.

One nurse said there are only 5 reasons babies cry: they're hot, cold, dirty, hungry, or need TLC. Ma'am, I'm sorry, but there are a million other reasons...starting with gassy, tired, overtired, scared, uncomfortable, not swaddled, too tightly swaddled, grumpy, or just plain bored of peace and quiet so they want to hear themselves wail away. Not every good piece of advice comes in fives.

The list goes on....

Then when Leah was born, I quickly realized a few more lessons on my own.

1. Things won't happen as you planned them. No matter how many times you pack and re-pack the labor bag, you'll scramble at the last minute with your wife already at the hospital, shouting commands to you over the phone.

2. You can be prepared, but you can't bank up on your sleep. Believe me, I've tried.

3. You're going to lose every argument for a while. Your wife just pushed a human being out of her.

4. Nobody knows what to do, so don't even try to learn beforehand. Just do what comes naturally, and find a good pediatrician! You'll know you have one if you can envision yourself hanging out at a backyard BBQ with him/her.

5. You'll have to make some choices over the next couple of weeks. For example, when you unexpectedly find that you have an extra 30 minutes at your disposal, you'll have to decide if you should eat dinner, take a shower, or take a nap. For me, the meals usually fall to the bottom of that list. And baseball caps come in handy. Go for the nap.

6. Get to know your local Target and Babies R Us stores. Sounds kind of silly, but when the baby is crying and your wife is exhausted, it's nice to know that the thermometers are on Aisle 23 so you can get back home.

7. There is no magic trick. We had pages of notes for labor...different positions and techniques. We burned through those in about 5 minutes, and nothing really worked. For the baby, we bought the swing, the bouncer, the music box, the mobile, the car seat shade, the humidifer, the snuggly blanket, etc. Everything works a little. But if you're thinking that the one thing you spent hours putting together is going to save you at 4 a.m., you can forget about it. There is no magic trick that's going to stop the crying...that would be too easy. (P.S. If you have a magic trick that you're not telling me about, it's time you fess up.) However, I'm sure that these tools will work one day. I guess I expected the baby to come out craving the darn swing I put together....she's much more interested in showing me the back of her throat combined with her brute leg strength.

8. Diapers are no big deal. Don't even sweat it. I changed my first diaper on 3 hours of sleep with no instruction. It was actually exciting because it was just one step closer to taking our girl home.

9. You will spend a lot of your time over the next week or two on your feet. Kind of funny, but everywhere you go, there will be a seat for your wife, but probably not a seat for you. And you'll be attending to all of your wife's needs. She can't and shouldn't be walking very much, so it'll be up to you to do everything for her....carrying, cleaning, driving, whatever. Refer to item #3 above.

10. Lastly, be prepared for the thrill of your life! That day has got to be the most amazing day of your life. (It's quickly followed by the toughest transition of your life). That little thing is going to be so soft, your heart is going to melt. If not, you're not human. And the sound of that crying is straight from heaven (for a day or so).

BA's Corner: Hangin' Out

I've found myself watching ESPN at night lately. Not because I love baseball and pre-season NFL games, but because I need something to combat all of the talk of breastfeeding and milk. Just an injection of manhood in my primarily girly days lately.

That said, I've enjoyed carrying the tiny whippersnapper around in her baby carrier a few times. She's confused at first but falls asleep in it pretty quickly. She enjoys feeling the breeze in her toes.

Plus, Leah is a chick magnet in this thing. Two girls came up to me when they saw her little legs dangling out of it. One shouted from across the parking lot, "Do you actually have a newborn in there?" "Yes, I do," said proud daddy. "A week and a half old." Then I scurried off, assuming they didn't have an updated TDAP vaccination.

Leah is oblivious though. Check out the position she wound up in by the end of the walk!

But you can tell she's growing up, because she fills out the carrier a little more these days...

A good solution when you need a free hand...

She usually falls asleep (at least something makes her fall asleep!)

She will never know

She will never know how much I love her ... but I now have an idea of how much my mother loves me.

BA's Corner: Our Medical Marvel

Leah,

I can already tell you’re a leader. Doctors have doubted you – you were smaller than they wanted you to be all along. But you have proven all of them wrong. You are so strong….kicking up a storm, moving your head all around, waving your arms around and shaking your fists like you have something to prove.

When you were 2.5 days old, we took you to the pediatrician for the first time. We said you were rolling around and were concerned about your sleeping arrangement. He said we shouldn’t worry because you can’t roll that much yet. We laid you on the table on your back, and you rolled immediately onto your left side. He paused and said, “Woah, I’ve never seen that at this age.” We said, “See…I told you.”

At that same appointment, the doctor gave you a Hepatitis B shot in the leg. We all braced for the screaming, and your mom couldn’t even watch. After the doctor finished, he said, “She’s going to hate me now.” You began crying, so I scooped you up into my arms. Then you gave 2 shouts, put your head on my shoulder, and immediately stopped crying. The doctor stopped in his tracks and said, “Wow.”

Doctors were concerned with your weight after the first day. You were put on an every 2-hour feeding schedule, 24 hours a day during the first weekend. The goal was to get you back to 5 lbs. 10 oz. by Monday morning. You hit 5 lbs. 12 oz. You weren’t supposed to be at your birth weight until 2 weeks old. On Wednesday (1 week and 1.5 days), you were 6 lbs 1 oz. The doctor said we didn't need to come back for a while.

Also at this appointment (1 week and 1.5 days), we had the doctor check your umbilical cord stump. He said they don’t fall off for several weeks. Then he looked at yours and said “Oh, this is coming off in the next few days.” It came off that night.

You are also courageous. You are willing to be the first child for your mom and me. You patiently wait while we learn by trial and error, and you forgive us when we make mistakes. Thank you for paving the way.

Welcome to the world, little one. We are so excited that you’re here, and that you are ours.

Love,
Dad

Dear Leah

Leah is two weeks old today.  I can't believe how much she's grown already, and a big part of me wants to freeze her in time and keep her this little forever.  Below is a letter to her, from me, that I am going to include in her baby book. 

July 25, 2011

Dear Leah,

Welcome to this world!  You are two weeks old today and I cannot begin to tell you how much I already love you.  As I sit here and write this letter you are snuggled up on my chest and sleeping soundly.  I love these quiet moments where I can just enjoy being with you and kiss you quietly on the head.  You are my tiny little girl and you are just beautiful.

For a while your Dad and I weren’t sure if you were going to be a healthy baby.  It makes me cry right now just thinking about it.  I was so scared for you, and prayed every night to God asking him to grant me one wish that you would be healthy.  My prayer was answered tenfold because not only are you healthy, but you are strong and beautiful too.  On your second day on this earth you were already trying to hold up your head.  You have big beautiful eyes and you will stare up at whoever is holding you and follow the sound of their voice with your eyes.  Your little feet, which I felt so often in my womb, are so strong and easily kick off any blanket I put around you.  Your head is still slightly cone shaped but I love its imperfection.  It reminds me of where you came from and that you are mine. 

Leah, I only hope two things for you in this life … that you are healthy and happy.  I will do my very best every single day of my life to make sure that you are always these two things.  Because you are so precious to me and truly a gift from God.   Thank you for joining our family.

Love,

Mom

Leah in her jacuzzi tub

What's in a Name?

Picking a name is harder than it sounds.  At least for me it was.  I wanted to give our baby a name that didn't type-cast her - it needed to allow her to be anything she wanted to be ... a lawyer, a teacher, an engineer, a nurse - whatever.  I like traditional names over modern names, but I didn't want a name that sounded old or outdated.

When we found out the Peanut was a girl, BA and I sat down and made individual lists of names we liked.  We then traded lists and crossed off the ones on each others lists that we didn't like.  We finally got down to a list of about 10 girls names that we were debating.  After our experience with Scary Doctor started around 20 weeks we both independently came to the conclusion that our little girl's name was Leah.  It just fit.  We realized that we had been thinking of her as "Leah" in our minds already.  My only concern with the name was the biblical translation.  In Hebrew, Leah means weary.  Now during my experience with Scary Doctor, "weary" certainly fit.  I had never felt more weary in my life.  But I wasn't thrilled with the meaning "weary" for the remainder of her life.  We had moved past that dark phase and I wanted to give her a name that would uplift her.  So, I did some research.

In Greek, Leah (spelled Lea) means "Bringer of Good News."  That is the translation we are going with.  Since she was born, Leah has brought nothing but good news to our life.  She has continued to amaze us and uplift us every day.  So that is our little Leah.  She brings good news.

My precious baby - 10 days old.

BA's Corner: Your Move

It was 2:55 a.m. last night. I know because I logged it in Leah's "Event Log" - the place where we record her feedings and diaper changes.

Leah was sleeping in our room for the first time since we brought her home from the hospital. We had attempted this before, but she would never go to sleep during the night without being held. So we had been swapping shifts...mine was basically 11 p.m. to 4 a.m. AA's shift was essentially every other hour, but she also handled 4-6 a.m., until her mother sprung out of bed with open arms to relieve us until 8 or 9 a.m. (with the exception of AA's feedings every other hour).

But on this night, my job was to wake whenever Leah stirred, scoop her up, assist AA as much as possible, and then soothe Leah back to sleep after she was fed, burped, etc. And I tried to let AA sleep as much as possible. So if Leah awoke because of anything except hunger, the ball was in my court.

I should also mention that we had tricked Leah into sleeping in the room with us. She was asleep in my arms in the living room, but as soon as I set foot in the bedroom, her eyes opened up. I think it was a change in lighting....she must be clairvoyant or something. So I immediately stepped back into the living room, adjusted the bedroom lighting to match, soothed her, and put her down in the bassinet. Once she was asleep, I very carefully slid her bassinet inch by inch into the bedroom. My hope was that if she awoke in the bassinet in our bedroom, she would think "Oh, this isn't such a bad place...maybe I'll enjoy sleeping here more often in the future." I pretend my 1 week old thinks logically.

So there we were....the dead of night, just my little girl and me. It was dark and quiet. Leah began crying, so I went through my routine.

1) Soothe. We're talking bouncing, rocking, swinging, swaddling, talking, singing, ssssshhhhhhhing, etc. Tons of stuff I would never admit to in "guy talk." Anything and everything in the book. If I'm lucky, that will solve it, and we can all go back to sleep. Tonight....nada.

2) Since #1 never works at 2:55 a.m., it's diaper time. As the crying crescendos, I unzip the sleeper and try to hang onto this kicking, screaming mess long enough to assess the situation. It was a bad one, but nothing I couldn't handle to get AA some zzzz's (she certainly needs them these days).

I lifted Leah's legs and began to clean up. The crying intensified, but I expected it, so I was not alarmed. I continued the task at hand.

Leah upped the ante.

Just as I cleaned up and reached for the fresh diaper, the waterworks began. So I cleaned them up. Then I realized it was all down her back, soaked into the sleeper, and all over the changing table pad. Hmmmmm.....

I cleaned it up as best I could. Then I scooped her up in my arms and looked her in the eyes. As I supported her head, I realized it was actually in her hair too! I thought, "Man, I'm a bad father right now." Then I looked around....I had no fresh sleeper for her, a pile full of wet/dirty wipes, a dirty diaper, a soaked changing table cover, a sleeping wife, and a daughter staring me in the face. I realized the Peanut had taken control of the trickery we had put her through....I couldn't slip one past her this time. She calmed her crying long enough to shoot me a glance similar to the one below, as if saying to me....


"Your move, Daddy-O. What are you going to do now?"

My reply....

"Well played, sweetheart. Well played."