Since AA is feverishly studying for exams, I figured I needed to step up to the plate with a new post for the weekend.
Moms have a connection...it's just built in. It's part of the reward they get (if not the only unique reward) for all the suffering they go through to bear a child.
So it's nice for dads to have something too. The night Leah was born, I was so thrilled when Leah finally came out, because I knew that AA's pain was almost over. And I wanted AA to hold her first. She'd been the one to shoulder most of the load, and certainly she'd been the one "taking" Leah to the doctor multiples times a week. She'd been the one doubled over the toilet in the middle of the night, not me. And when it was my turn to hold Leah, I mostly focused on not screwing up...not dropping her, not letting her head fall, not waking her up, and not making her cry.
But when we moved to the recovery room and the nurses came to take Leah for her first bath, I jumped at the chance to tag along, while AA stayed in the recovery room. This was one of my first tasks as a Dad without AA there. Granted, all I had to do was watch the nurses and pay attention.
The nurse finished bathing Leah, and she finished crying (for the time being). The nurse walked away for a few minutes, and there were a couple of other babies in the room getting cleaned up. There was one in particular, about 5-6 feet away from us, who was really crying. His dad was standing there with his arms crossed, just watching him. Must have been a second child! I was a deer in headlights staring at Leah, with a trigger finger on the camera. And I was slightly afraid to touch her for fear that I would do something wrong!
I imagine what Leah must have been going through during those first few hours of life. How strange it must have been for her, and how scared and confused she probably was. And while I was excited, I was also pretty terrified. It was probably 2 a.m. after a long, life-altering day. We were in a strange place, and, to some extent, we were strangers to each other.
I knew she was scared. As I had imagined for months, I reached out my hand and she grabbed onto my finger as tightly as she could. I like to think it was the first time she realized that the voice she had been hearing all these months was her Daddy, and that no matter how strange, confusing, and scary this new world was, she knew she was going to be okay because Daddy was right beside her.
And I like to think that, in that same moment, Leah was thinking the same thing about me...that I must be scared at the unfamiliar burden ahead of me, but that she was right there with me, hanging on. And together, we'd be okay.
And that's why this is one of my favorite pictures. It was our first moment together, alone.
Moms have a connection...it's just built in. It's part of the reward they get (if not the only unique reward) for all the suffering they go through to bear a child.
So it's nice for dads to have something too. The night Leah was born, I was so thrilled when Leah finally came out, because I knew that AA's pain was almost over. And I wanted AA to hold her first. She'd been the one to shoulder most of the load, and certainly she'd been the one "taking" Leah to the doctor multiples times a week. She'd been the one doubled over the toilet in the middle of the night, not me. And when it was my turn to hold Leah, I mostly focused on not screwing up...not dropping her, not letting her head fall, not waking her up, and not making her cry.
But when we moved to the recovery room and the nurses came to take Leah for her first bath, I jumped at the chance to tag along, while AA stayed in the recovery room. This was one of my first tasks as a Dad without AA there. Granted, all I had to do was watch the nurses and pay attention.
The nurse finished bathing Leah, and she finished crying (for the time being). The nurse walked away for a few minutes, and there were a couple of other babies in the room getting cleaned up. There was one in particular, about 5-6 feet away from us, who was really crying. His dad was standing there with his arms crossed, just watching him. Must have been a second child! I was a deer in headlights staring at Leah, with a trigger finger on the camera. And I was slightly afraid to touch her for fear that I would do something wrong!
I imagine what Leah must have been going through during those first few hours of life. How strange it must have been for her, and how scared and confused she probably was. And while I was excited, I was also pretty terrified. It was probably 2 a.m. after a long, life-altering day. We were in a strange place, and, to some extent, we were strangers to each other.
I knew she was scared. As I had imagined for months, I reached out my hand and she grabbed onto my finger as tightly as she could. I like to think it was the first time she realized that the voice she had been hearing all these months was her Daddy, and that no matter how strange, confusing, and scary this new world was, she knew she was going to be okay because Daddy was right beside her.
And I like to think that, in that same moment, Leah was thinking the same thing about me...that I must be scared at the unfamiliar burden ahead of me, but that she was right there with me, hanging on. And together, we'd be okay.
And that's why this is one of my favorite pictures. It was our first moment together, alone.
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| July 12, 2011 taken at approximately 2:00 a.m. |
What a precious memory; and your emotions are articulated so well. We love you three!
ReplyDeleteSeriously you write the sweetest posts. This one made me tear up. Leah will love looking back at your words!
ReplyDeleteAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW!
ReplyDeleteBA, you do write very well; brought tears to my eyes too. And the daughter holding your finger, or hand, is just as precious at 2, 4, 6, in fact, even when they are grown. You will never tire of that.
ReplyDelete